Tag: actuallyautistic

Sometimes I want to cover myself in glitter and dance in your sunshine. And sometimes I want to throw my hands over my head and scream until you leave me alone.

I will sing along, I will woop, I will clap, I will beat the arms of my seat – so to be able to both watch and join in this experience, without fear of judgement or backlash, brought a tear to my eye.

I’m scared that, on Friday morning, I will have to talk people down from killing themselves. And I’m scared that I will fail to talk people down from killing themselves. 

Autistic people should not have their inalienable right to diagnosis and support denied because their autism doesn’t present itself in a way that fits into the correct boxes.

He is my beautiful, brave, loving, silly, pathetic, cowardly, loyal, protective, fabulous boy. Sometimes, I love him so much I could cry.

People were swelling with an outpouring of almost regimented grief that I felt cast to the side of; watching with a furrowed brow, scrunching up my face as I tried desperately to march in time, going red and tearful with frustration as I failed to keep step.

For every person who complains about how annoying they find this new fad, I will shoot back that it’s a lot less annoying than a twenty-five year old woman descending into meltdown in a public space.

I’ve always known I feel the cold. I had just never thought about in terms of those wonderful labels that started clicking into place once I got my diagnosis.

Behold as she bravely dodges crushing responsibilities, traverses deadly social interaction, and finally navigates her way back, injured and bruised yet still fighting, to bask in the adoring (furry) crowds of home!

I’ve never talked about this particular stim before, or considered it as a ‘stim’ in the same way I class my other stims. It’s one of those ‘ew gross’ actions that you try to keep hidden from the rest of the world.

Was I destined to be super-glued to square one for the rest of my life? Am I stuck in a destiny I desperately do not want? What more can I do?

Ah, the joys of your entire future spinning on the head of a single one hour snapshot of your life.