A year ago, I had the privilege of joining three other autistic women to film a segment for a Channel 4 documentary.
Because we live in a culture that doesn't talk about death, I am innately curious. It's the ultimate unspoken thing -final, unchangeable, ridiculous - that my brain wants to unpack and understand.
In an age where cuts to support are justified by shifting the goalposts of 'need' , the Paralympics are held up as an example of what all disabled people 'could' achieve with a little bit of spunk and a can-do attitude.
The next week (or so) has been bequeathed from hell to challenge me.